I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
