So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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