Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
