You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
