That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
