It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
