If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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