mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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