very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
