just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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