I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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