Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
