so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize