I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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