I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
