i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
