hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
