last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
