In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
