So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
