are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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