I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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