Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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