It's Friday. Sex?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
