If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
