did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
