So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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