I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
