pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
And then he peed in my hair
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