I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
