i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you didnt know i had herpes?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
