at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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