Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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