nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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