He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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