she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
