Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
