So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
