I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
