I am midnight drunk by noon
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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