Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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