clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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