Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
