Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
