Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
