Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
