Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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