omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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