i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
