It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
