Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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