Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
