just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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