i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
