What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
